I wanted to shelter him from the world then and I want to shelter him still today. I want to protect him from feeling alone in a sea of kids, from bullies, from foul language, from immoral behavior and a whole slew of other things.
I feel the need to love him more and to be there when he gets home from school, which I always have been, but I think he'll need that even more now than before. Sometimes I think parents make the mistake of thinking their kids don't need them as much as they get older, but I believe kids need their parents more, not less, just in a different way.
It would feel somewhat better if the school wasn't such a maze. We went to his locker to practice opening it. Neither one of us could get it open for the longest time. It was so frustrating. I finally realized the paper had instructions on it, who knew we'd need instructions on how to open a locker. I now have his combination memorized I did it so many times, brings back memories.Then we tried to find each of his classes so he would know where to go. What a joke. The school has a horrible layout. We had the hardest time, even with a map. I'm so glad that by the the time "A" starts Junior High there will be a new junior high built.
I just want him to stay at the little elementary school down the street for rest of his life. Is that too much to ask? I guess I have to acknowledge the fact that the tiny 5 pound baby I brought home from the hospital eleven years ago is growing up. Unfortunately I can't keep him my baby forever. Sniff. He has to experience life, the good and the bad. I don't know how our heavenly father copes, sending his children down to earth, letting them go, all the while hoping and praying they chose to return to him. Letting go is hard to do.
Your post really hit a nerve for me. I know exactly how you feel. My oldest son started his first day of college (at the local community college) on Monday. I look at him and wonder where the time has gone. Didn't I just bring him home from the hospital yesterday? I remember being especially traumatized when he started middle school. I had the worst time during those years myself, and was very anxious for him. During the elementary school years, I was the doting mom, who was always volunteering, going on field trips, making crafts, etc. Once middle school started, I had to learn to "pull back," just a bit, and take my cues from Nick (my son). Even when Nick had a bad day, and I could read it all over his face, I had to learn to let him come to me with his problems...without him feeling like he was "running to his momma." I always told him that his home and his parents were his safe zone...no judgment, just love. Nick also liked hearing about some of our "less than pleasant" middle school memories. It helped him to realize that he wasn't the only one who went through these feelings. Just from what I've read on your beautiful blog, I know that your son will have what he needs to cope with the next few years. I think that he has a wonderful foundation in his family, and that will help keep him grounded. Best of luck in the new school year!
ReplyDeleteIsn't it hard to watch these 1st Born kids grow up? My oldest starts High School tomorrow. Am I freaking out? Uhhh, YES!!
ReplyDeleteHope your son had/has a great 1st day!
:)Rachel