Well, today I had a happy realization that in one particular area I had indeed improved. I'm not writing this to pat myself on the back, but rather to have a record of a little moment in time of self- reflection where I realized I'm not standing still even though it often feels like I am.
I was at church in the mothers room (where else?) when a
younger mother, let's call her Emma (not her real name), came in to change her toddlers
diaper. Emma's child was noisy and squirmy. She didn't like that the
child was making noise and uncooperative. Emma kept telling the child to
"stop it" and was very impatient with the child. Sad thing is, I saw
myself in Emma, except I was a much younger me, when I was just starting
my child bearing years.
I realized I'm a different kind of mother now than I was then. I'm not a perfect mother, but I have more patience and I enjoy being a mother more than I did at the beginning of my mothering career. The thing I have now that I didn't have back then is perspective. Unfortunately perspective is not something you can give a young mother. I wish there was a way, but it has to be earned one diaper at a time until you realize it's almost your last. Then you earn the ultimate motherhood badge, perspective. It's when you realize just how fast your little ones grow up and you wish with all your heart you could make time stop when before you'd wished it would speed up. Perspective is a terrible and wonderful thing all at the same time. The key is to not lose the perspective once you've gained it. Sometimes I feel like I'm going backwards instead of forward in this regard and the "husbird" has to lovingly remind me where I'm at. Have you gained this insightful perspective in mothering or are you still waiting to get there?
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